Interracial Dating and the Myth of Marrying Up

wealthy interracial couple

“You did good… you married a white man!”

That’s an actual quote that one of our staff members (a black woman) recently heard from one of her aunts. Apparently, her aunt thought that she had done well, financially or socially, because she’d married outside of her race. We thought that notion was something that simply had to be explored – especially since there’s so much buzz about black women not getting married in today’s society!

 

In this post, we’d like to explore the idea of hypergamy, or “marrying up” as it’s commonly known, and how this myth casts a negative shadow on the interracial dating community. Especially between black women and white men. It’s sad that in 2014 there is still a stigma that black women choose to marry white men in order to climb the social and economic ladder. Rather than focusing on the foundation of love as a means for marriage, people continue to associate stereotypes toward interracial couples. And the black woman/white man combination always takes the brunt of the scrutiny for some reason.

 Interracial Marriage between black women and white men

First, let’s talk about why this notion of financial or social gains as a result of an interracial marriage between black women and white men is absolutely absurd. Although this isn’t necessarily a great statistic to make the argument, black women are currently the least likely of all women to get married. According to the most recent census, 25 percent of the marriages of black men in 2010 were interracial. However, black women do not cross the color chasm nearly as often. If black women were driven by ulterior motives to marry outside of their race then they would be rivaling their black male counterparts in the interracial marriage department. As a matter of fact, among all women who made up the 8.4 percent of total interracial marriages in 2010, they comprised one of the lowest numbers overall.

Some statistics say that 43% of black women between the ages of 30 and 34 have never been married. However, this figure is also similar to the percentage of unmarried women among other races except for white females. They are simply not dating or marrying interracially enough to even be accused of marrying up. We’re definitely not saying that’s a good thing; we’re just stating facts that would seem to debunk the myth.

“marrying up”

Next, what exactly is “marrying up” when black females are enjoying more success today than ever before? The black community has approximately $850 billion to spend and black women control 62% of that pie. Here’s another interesting factoid: the ratio of women to men at black colleges is 7 to 1. It’s hard to make the argument that black women are out looking for interracial dating to increase their financial or social standings in the world when they seem to be doing just fine by themselves.

Today’s black woman is highly educated, doing well financially and she isn’t even dating outside of her race often enough to be perceived as marrying up. So, that shouldn’t even be something of concern when thinking about interracial dating as a viable option. Black females should just ignore this type of talk and do whatever makes sense for them because they are the ones in the driver’s seat of their lives. And no offense to the older generation, like the approving aunt of our friend, but that antiquated kind of thinking is bound to die as black women continue to flourish

Keep your woman happy in an interracial relationship

mixed couple kissing

Keeping your woman happy and content with the interracial relationship you are going through is your responsibility. You may shower her with the choicest and most expensive gifts. However, there are a few traits that act as a turn off for women. When in an interracial relationship you need to steer clear away from exhibiting such behavior and traits that may prove to be fatal for your interracial relationship.

Manners and etiquettes matter a lot in interracial relationships

Manners and etiquettes are the true essences of a man. Gentleman behavior is never outdated. However, gentlemen behavior is an attitude that is hard to develop. Treating your woman with respect and acting in a gentlemen way not only with your girl but also with people whom you come in contact on a daily basis is essential. Make sure you develop your manners and etiquettes with time else you are going to find it hard to date a woman of your choice. Feigning to be a gentleman is not advised as you may be caught off guard by your interracial partner sooner or later.

Constant nagging is a killer in an interracial relationship

Constant nagging in any relationship tends to be a sign of passive aggressiveness. Aggressiveness in any form is a killer for any relationship. You need to keep calm and be in control of your anger, aggressiveness and let your girlfriend have her me time. Constantly asking her about her whereabouts or just checking on her every hour will make her run from you. Care and being updated is one aspect but looks good only when it is in limits. Over caring may be taken as intruding on the privacy of your interracial partner which is not at all advised by dating coaches.

Poor hygiene is a deal breaker in interracial relationships

You need to take care of brushing teeth, having clean clothes to wear, nails trimmed, have a nice fragrance when on a date or even when in public. Women tend to take a much better notice of men who are score high on their personal hygiene traits. A person with a bad breath and shabby dress will not be an idea for a date for any woman whether it is an interracial relationship or even a normal relationship.

Women do not like narcissists

A man who is full of self-praise and self-love is a failure in terms of dating. Men need to ensure that they have the time and orientation to praise their lady before telling her about his qualities and way of life. Berating your interracial girlfriend to ensure that you are able to keep your position above her will not help the interracial relationship anyway. It is good once in a while to show off your qualities but ranting about yourself, your possessions or your family will surely drive her away from you.

Men need to make sure they are able to make their girl feel comfortable in an interracial relationship. She should not feel like she has been trapped in a relationship. Helping her find her true self in a relationship is the best you can do to continue to take the relationship to a logical start.

Questions you can ask on your first interracial date

interracial couple on a date

Finding an interracial date has become quite easy with the rising popularity of interracial dating websites. Registration on these interracial dating websites is quite easy and finding an interracial date for oneself is also a cakewalk one just needs to do things the right way. The nest step in interracial dating is meting your interracial date for real in the real world. Once the ice is broken between you and your interracial partner it is time to talk to each other. What should your conversation revolve around is a big question?

mixed couple at a barTalking about childhood can be a good topic in an interracial date

Since both, the partners in an interracial date come from different backgrounds and have spent their childhoods in different settings and environments. A discussion around the way one has spent childhood would be an interesting topic. However, if your dating partner has had a disturbed or not so great a childhood and is not ready to talk about it on the first date do not coax him or her to the discussion. Talking about the schools, mischief, kinds of friends you have had in your childhood and places you have stayed form a nice conversation especially when meeting for the first time in the real world. Childhood memories are a great point of connection, especially when hitting along with a stranger. Keeping the conversation fun and not delving deep into the serious aspects will be a great conversation with your interracial date.

Future plans and vision can form a nice discussion point on an interracial date

In case you are not able to have a good conversation about your childhood, do not lose hope. Move on to the future aspects of your life or the life of your interracial dating partner. Ask them about their plans for the future and what do they intend to do after 5-10 years from now. A progressive and frank individual will like to discuss his or her vision of the future and will open up to the plans for future and even ask you for your plans and things you have planned. One need not be too realistic about the future and take things wherever your imagination allows you to.

Discussing hobbies and spare time activities is good

Making your interracial date talk about hobbies and the things they love to do in their spare time is a great ground building measure and an interesting topic to be taken up on the first interracial date or even in subsequent dates. Make your interracial date more interesting by talking about the things that the other person likes most. Maybe a hobby or an interest that both of you share can be a common point to take the conversation from zero to an interesting one.

Check out the passions of your interracial date

Your interracial date is passionate about what? This particular question if answered at the right moment will be a great asset of information for you in future. While planning your subsequent dates to outings you can keep this in mind and plan accordingly. This piece of information will not only form a great conversation topic but will also be helpful in nurturing your long-term relationship.

Having a few interesting topics or even a line on which you intend to take the conversation on your interracial date you will be able to make each and every date of yours much more interesting and fruitful for a long-term interracial relationship.

When Your Relationship Turns Black and Blue

 

Being in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world. You are with the person you love, the one you want to spend your entire life with, and the one who you cannot see yourself living without. Every day it feels great to wake up to him or her lying next to you. Everything is going well that you cannot even see what is starting to happen next… the man or woman who you thought was the one for you become the worst thing that has happened to you.

Physical Abuse in a relationship

Physical abuse is one of the most difficult forms of abuse to deal with. You feel alone, trapped, and afraid in your own house. You are afraid to tell someone, you pretend that everything is fine, and you begin blaming yourself for the way he or she treats you. Being in an abusive relationship is not the easiest relationship to be in. I believe the majority of women and men are embarrassed to admit to a friend or family member that they are being abused by their significant other.

Everything is NOT fine

You start to believe your lies that everything is fine. You want to hold on to this man or woman for the public eye. There are many women who do not want to be alone; however, there are plenty of men who think they need a woman in the household. When the mind starts to believe that, that is when you start to suffer. There are many single people in the world today who loves being single and spending times with friends. Nothing is wrong with being a single man or woman. Being single can mean that you are waiting for the right one to come along. It does not mean that something is wrong with you.

Emotional Abuse in a relationship

Another form of abuse is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is the worst form of abuse in my opinion. Emotional abuse is when your significant other tries to control you through fears, humiliation, and physical abuse. No one deserves to be treated like that. No matter how old you are or how young you are, there is always an option. There is always a choice to be made. He or she will only do what you allow them to do. He or she may call you stupid, lazy, and make you feel that you are useless. He or she may belittle you in front of your friends or his or her friends. If you continue to let them abuse you physically, verbally, or emotionally, he or she will continue to do so. No matter what form of abuse you’re going through; you should never allow anyone to treat you like you do not matter.

Leaving a toxic relationship

A relationship is a normal part of life and sometimes it can take all of our energy. There are times when a person is in a relationship and he or she is afraid of leaving. We all have that intuition when a certain relationship is not going to work. However, if the person is afraid of his or her partner, leaving may not sound like the easiest thing to do. Although, making the proper plans can ensure a safe exit out of the relationship. When you are in an unhealthy relationship and are afraid to leave, you have to make the decision to find the best time to leave. Confiding in a sibling, friend, or counselor is a sure way to let someone know what you are planning. The best time to leave is when your partner is not around. If he or she is not around, that is the best time to make your getaway. I know it will be hard to leave certain things behind, but pack your important stuff and get out of there.

Being in an unhealthy relationship for a long time can damage a person’s self-esteem. He or she may start to believe the things his or her partner is telling them. Always remember that you do not have to do this alone. If you need help, all you have to do is seek it.

Life is too short to be unhappy in an unhealthy relationship.