Do you understand the emotional life of single people? Do you think that single people experience more than their share of sadness, depression, and loneliness? I’ve been debunking those notions for. But that’s not what I want to talk about today. Instead, I want to challenge the focus on emotions such as happiness, sadness, and loneliness — a focus that has dominated both popular culture and scientific research. When we get preoccupied with those emotions alone, we miss out on the wider range of emotions that give single life its special texture.
These are the things that make a single person looks desperate:
1. You lower your standards
In other words, you make yourself available to those you wouldn’t otherwise give a second look. If you drop your standards to date the guy or girl who doesn’t have desirable traits, it can be a sign of desperation. You know what you deserve. Don’t settle for less. When you date someone who falls below your standards, you are settling for someone who doesn’t deserve you.
2. You are clingy
Do you find yourself constantly texting, calling and trying to spend every waking moment with him? You are being clingy. Give him or her room to breathe. If you are trying to be part of every single part of his day, he will feel like you aren’t giving him space, and it will scare him away. Give him space and, in turn, be sure your space is respected as well. You don’t need to be with him every second of the day. Truthfully, it’s better if you aren’t. Forcing constant contact merely sheds light on your insecurities.
3. You need constant relationship status updates
“What are we?” “Where is this going?” If you are asking for weekly relationship updates, you’re going to drive your partner away. Needing constant reassurance shows your own insecurity about being in a relationship. It’s like driving a five-hour trip and having a little kid asking “are we there yet?” every five minutes. Focus less on the status of the relationship and more on getting to know the person. The status will come with time.
4. Becoming a text pest
Avoid texting too often, especially, when you only texted ten minutes ago. Not everyone keeps their phone in eyeshot all the time and he might just be busy. Sending a text asking why he didn’t reply to your other text is a definite sign of desperation and it will only annoy him anyway.
5. Pretending to like everything that he does
If you pretend that you like watching a ball game on the TV when you don’t, your lie will come out eventually. You can’t possibly love everything that he likes to do and, if you lie about this type of thing, he will find out and think that you are capable of lying about other things too.
It’s not too late to change and move on, here are the ways to avoid:
1. Maintain standards for who you date.
When you are single, you may want to date around to meet a lot of different people. However, you should date people who you find interesting and attractive. You should have characteristics that you like in someone that causes you to date them instead of dating just anyone you meet.
For example, you may want to date people who are attractive, career-oriented, and interested in certain hobbies. Though you may find it difficult to meet people with these qualities, don’t lower your standards just so you can have a date.
2. Determine what you are looking for in another person.
Figuring out what you want in another person can help you choose potential partners with some forethought. If you don’t know what you are looking for, you may just date anyone. Having no standards may lead to you to act desperate because you aren’t putting any thought into your dates at all.
You may need to make a list to help you determine what you are looking for. This list should go beyond physical traits. Think about shared interests, values, characteristics, qualities, and other things you are looking for in another person. It might be that you want a dog person or someone who has a higher degree.
3. Avoid being impatient.
You may want an instant connection when you go out somewhere to meet people. Often, it takes a while for you to become comfortable and known in a place. If you have tried a new dating site, started a new class or hobby, or started going to a new place, give it enough time for people to notice you or get to know you.
Don’t get discouraged on the first day if nothing happens. Don’t get discouraged after the first week. Keep going back.
Desperation is an ugly little thing that can damage relationships. Don’t let your insecurities get the better of you. Be proud of who you are and don’t change yourself for someone just to get another date. Be honest with him and yourself. Being confident and independent, prioritizing, and doing what’s best for you will pay off. Desperation will drive potential dates away. Confidence, however, is a proven trait that will get you more dates and will make you happier in many other aspects of life aside from dating.