Things that make you look like a desperate single

Do you understand the emotional life of single people? Do you think that single people experience more than their share of sadness, depression, and loneliness? I’ve been debunking those notions for. But that’s not what I want to talk about today. Instead, I want to challenge the focus on emotions such as happiness, sadness, and loneliness — a focus that has dominated both popular culture and scientific research. When we get preoccupied with those emotions alone, we miss out on the wider range of emotions that give single life its special texture.

These are the things that make a single person looks desperate:

1. You lower your standards

In other words, you make yourself available to those you wouldn’t otherwise give a second look. If you drop your standards to date the guy or girl who doesn’t have desirable traits, it can be a sign of desperation. You know what you deserve. Don’t settle for less. When you date someone who falls below your standards, you are settling for someone who doesn’t deserve you.

2. You are clingy

Do you find yourself constantly texting, calling and trying to spend every waking moment with him? You are being clingy. Give him or her room to breathe. If you are trying to be part of every single part of his day, he will feel like you aren’t giving him space, and it will scare him away. Give him space and, in turn, be sure your space is respected as well. You don’t need to be with him every second of the day. Truthfully, it’s better if you aren’t. Forcing constant contact merely sheds light on your insecurities.

3. You need constant relationship status updates

“What are we?” “Where is this going?” If you are asking for weekly relationship updates, you’re going to drive your partner away. Needing constant reassurance shows your own insecurity about being in a relationship. It’s like driving a five-hour trip and having a little kid asking “are we there yet?” every five minutes. Focus less on the status of the relationship and more on getting to know the person. The status will come with time.

4. Becoming a text pest

Avoid texting too often, especially, when you only texted ten minutes ago. Not everyone keeps their phone in eyeshot all the time and he might just be busy. Sending a text asking why he didn’t reply to your other text is a definite sign of desperation and it will only annoy him anyway.

5. Pretending to like everything that he does

If you pretend that you like watching a ball game on the TV when you don’t, your lie will come out eventually. You can’t possibly love everything that he likes to do and, if you lie about this type of thing, he will find out and think that you are capable of lying about other things too.

It’s not too late to change and move on, here are the ways to avoid:

1. Maintain standards for who you date.

When you are single, you may want to date around to meet a lot of different people. However, you should date people who you find interesting and attractive. You should have characteristics that you like in someone that causes you to date them instead of dating just anyone you meet.

For example, you may want to date people who are attractive, career-oriented, and interested in certain hobbies. Though you may find it difficult to meet people with these qualities, don’t lower your standards just so you can have a date.

2. Determine what you are looking for in another person.

Figuring out what you want in another person can help you choose potential partners with some forethought. If you don’t know what you are looking for, you may just date anyone. Having no standards may lead to you to act desperate because you aren’t putting any thought into your dates at all.

You may need to make a list to help you determine what you are looking for. This list should go beyond physical traits. Think about shared interests, values, characteristics, qualities, and other things you are looking for in another person. It might be that you want a dog person or someone who has a higher degree.

3. Avoid being impatient.

You may want an instant connection when you go out somewhere to meet people. Often, it takes a while for you to become comfortable and known in a place. If you have tried a new dating site, started a new class or hobby, or started going to a new place, give it enough time for people to notice you or get to know you.

Don’t get discouraged on the first day if nothing happens. Don’t get discouraged after the first week. Keep going back.

Desperation is an ugly little thing that can damage relationships. Don’t let your insecurities get the better of you. Be proud of who you are and don’t change yourself for someone just to get another date. Be honest with him and yourself. Being confident and independent, prioritizing, and doing what’s best for you will pay off. Desperation will drive potential dates away. Confidence, however, is a proven trait that will get you more dates and will make you happier in many other aspects of life aside from dating.

The realities of being a mixed race person

interracial family

“Mixed up” is a film which highlights the experiences of mixed race people. See the thing is, there has been a great rise in interracial relationships and marriages. So it makes sense that there is a general rise in mixed race individuals. And growing up as a mixed person comes with its own challenges. And the biggest challenge is the issue of identity.

What are you?

The thing is, most interracial individuals are usually bombarded with the question: What are you. It’s like society expects them to explain why they look different. And normally we always expect them to pick a side. What race are they? And for some reason, people have a high fascination for them.

Let’s look at someone born of a white mother and a black father for instance. These individuals usually have to deal with being in the middle. Blacks will say they are not black enough. On the other hand, they are not white enough. So such individuals usually find themselves being discriminated upon for this.

Racism.. and mixed individuals

If it comes to racism, they find themselves feeling this from both sides. Parents of mixed individuals on the other hand usually find themselves having to explain to their children why they don’t look like either parent. Some parents have been called nannies to their own children. Others have been mistaken for kidnappers. And they always find themselves having to explain themselves to people. And these are their own flesh and blood.

With the rise of many mixed families, the numbers of these individuals are rising. So there is need to address this issue of identity. The thing is, our future is becoming more mixed. We find lesser traditional families these days. And when mixed individuals finally get married, their families tend to become even more diverse as they might find themselves consisting of more than one race.

So, let’s all embrace these individuals.

Realities of Interracial Dating in the United Kingdom

white woman black man

Just like in the US, interracial dating in the United Kingdom was mainly black and white in the 1960s. White women who dated interracially then were considered ‘traitors’.

Interracial Dating in The UK

Such realities of interracial dating in the UK were highlighted in the film “A United Kindom” of 2016. This is a real life story of a Botswana president, Sir Seretse Khama who went to Britain for his studies and fell in love with this White woman, Ruth. And their interracial love stirred a diplomatic crisis between the UK and South Africa which neighbors Botswana.

Today, things have changed massively. However, one woman recalls her mixed race daughter coming home upset after a night out. She was with a white man. And the remark that hurt her was: “Why do all you black girls think you can take our men?”

Well, clearly, interracial dating in the UK is so far off from the US. Such comments about what race takes another race are something that we have heard too many a times. It’s not a new thing. And much as things are better, the UK hasn’t come as far as it thinks if people are still making such comments.

Like other areas, this is a country that believes they are living in a place where people are racially tolerant and that they don’t see color. We want to seem open-minded. But clearly, not everyone is.

UK in 70s and 80s

So, yes we have progressed. yes, there is more interracial dating happening in the UK that it was in the 70s and 80s. There are more mixed race families and individuals that are cropping up with every passing year. But does this automatically make us tolerant? People are still driven by attitudes and prejudices.

Today, some people are still fascinated by interracial couples. The glances don’t seem to end. Interracial dating clearly is still a fairly new concept in the United Kingdom.



5 Facts about Online interracial Dating

couple on computers

In today’s times of digital technology and Smartphone, everyone has access to a smartphone and the facilities that are provided by it. This makes the search for a partner online quite easily. Online interracial dating websites are very helpful to find a good partner for dating, a short term or long term relationship or even marriage. A research says “today 15% of U.S. adults report they have used online dating websites and online dating apps to find a life partner”. If you like any person on the online interracial dating website, you can talk to him/her the same way as you would have been talking in real life online. And later on, your can go on a date with each other. Here are few facts about online interracial dating –

Online Interracial Dating is the best and easy way to meet people

You can easily find a life partner through online interracial dating websites. Joining an online interracial dating website is easy and does not require many details. As soon as you are registered suggestions from people start pouring in and you just need to select a few whom you think can be compatible with you. Once found those compatible individuals you can select one and go out on a date.

Men read less observe more on online interracial dating websites

Research has proven that men spend less time on online dating websites reading what has been written over there. When they check a woman’s online dating profile, they tend to check only her photographs and spend less time reading her dating profile. Sorry, but it is a surprising fact. Chances are that if a woman has good images of her uploaded on her dating profile she is going to receive many prospects to date her. Men and women both need to take good care of the images they upload on the online interracial dating website.

Relationships on Online interracial dating websites are voluntary

People register on online interracial dating websites voluntarily. If you are there are find someone of a different race whom you like anything but are scared to do so because you are of a different race do not worry. People on online interracial dating websites have registered themselves to be found or to find people from other races for dating. Relationships that are built on online interracial dating websites are voluntary with a better understanding between the individuals which have a better chance of surviving all odds.

One-Fifth of Committed Relationships start from online dating

If it is true of online dating, if you are looking for a serious partner online dating website is the best place to find a good life partner. Research says, one- fifth American committed relationships started via online dating. These online dating websites help you find a good partner.


Online daters get a good opportunity to meet new and interesting people

If you are very busy in the office and you do not have time to find a partner, online interracial dating is one of the best places to find a partner for yourself. You do not have to go anywhere to find a partner for you. You can register on an online interracial dating website and you can easily find a partner. This gives an opportunity to sail into unexplored waters, meet new people and explore new opportunities with them in terms of relationships.


Interracial Dating and the Myth of Marrying Up

wealthy interracial couple

“You did good… you married a white man!”

That’s an actual quote that one of our staff members (a black woman) recently heard from one of her aunts. Apparently, her aunt thought that she had done well, financially or socially, because she’d married outside of her race. We thought that notion was something that simply had to be explored – especially since there’s so much buzz about black women not getting married in today’s society!


In this post, we’d like to explore the idea of hypergamy, or “marrying up” as it’s commonly known, and how this myth casts a negative shadow on the interracial dating community. Especially between black women and white men. It’s sad that in 2014 there is still a stigma that black women choose to marry white men in order to climb the social and economic ladder. Rather than focusing on the foundation of love as a means for marriage, people continue to associate stereotypes toward interracial couples. And the black woman/white man combination always takes the brunt of the scrutiny for some reason.

 Interracial Marriage between black women and white men

First, let’s talk about why this notion of financial or social gains as a result of an interracial marriage between black women and white men is absolutely absurd. Although this isn’t necessarily a great statistic to make the argument, black women are currently the least likely of all women to get married. According to the most recent census, 25 percent of the marriages of black men in 2010 were interracial. However, black women do not cross the color chasm nearly as often. If black women were driven by ulterior motives to marry outside of their race then they would be rivaling their black male counterparts in the interracial marriage department. As a matter of fact, among all women who made up the 8.4 percent of total interracial marriages in 2010, they comprised one of the lowest numbers overall.

Some statistics say that 43% of black women between the ages of 30 and 34 have never been married. However, this figure is also similar to the percentage of unmarried women among other races except for white females. They are simply not dating or marrying interracially enough to even be accused of marrying up. We’re definitely not saying that’s a good thing; we’re just stating facts that would seem to debunk the myth.

“marrying up”

Next, what exactly is “marrying up” when black females are enjoying more success today than ever before? The black community has approximately $850 billion to spend and black women control 62% of that pie. Here’s another interesting factoid: the ratio of women to men at black colleges is 7 to 1. It’s hard to make the argument that black women are out looking for interracial dating to increase their financial or social standings in the world when they seem to be doing just fine by themselves.

Today’s black woman is highly educated, doing well financially and she isn’t even dating outside of her race often enough to be perceived as marrying up. So, that shouldn’t even be something of concern when thinking about interracial dating as a viable option. Black females should just ignore this type of talk and do whatever makes sense for them because they are the ones in the driver’s seat of their lives. And no offense to the older generation, like the approving aunt of our friend, but that antiquated kind of thinking is bound to die as black women continue to flourish

Keep your woman happy in an interracial relationship

mixed couple kissing

Keeping your woman happy and content with the interracial relationship you are going through is your responsibility. You may shower her with the choicest and most expensive gifts. However, there are a few traits that act as a turn off for women. When in an interracial relationship you need to steer clear away from exhibiting such behavior and traits that may prove to be fatal for your interracial relationship.

Manners and etiquettes matter a lot in interracial relationships

Manners and etiquettes are the true essences of a man. Gentleman behavior is never outdated. However, gentlemen behavior is an attitude that is hard to develop. Treating your woman with respect and acting in a gentlemen way not only with your girl but also with people whom you come in contact on a daily basis is essential. Make sure you develop your manners and etiquettes with time else you are going to find it hard to date a woman of your choice. Feigning to be a gentleman is not advised as you may be caught off guard by your interracial partner sooner or later.

Constant nagging is a killer in an interracial relationship

Constant nagging in any relationship tends to be a sign of passive aggressiveness. Aggressiveness in any form is a killer for any relationship. You need to keep calm and be in control of your anger, aggressiveness and let your girlfriend have her me time. Constantly asking her about her whereabouts or just checking on her every hour will make her run from you. Care and being updated is one aspect but looks good only when it is in limits. Over caring may be taken as intruding on the privacy of your interracial partner which is not at all advised by dating coaches.

Poor hygiene is a deal breaker in interracial relationships

You need to take care of brushing teeth, having clean clothes to wear, nails trimmed, have a nice fragrance when on a date or even when in public. Women tend to take a much better notice of men who are score high on their personal hygiene traits. A person with a bad breath and shabby dress will not be an idea for a date for any woman whether it is an interracial relationship or even a normal relationship.

Women do not like narcissists

A man who is full of self-praise and self-love is a failure in terms of dating. Men need to ensure that they have the time and orientation to praise their lady before telling her about his qualities and way of life. Berating your interracial girlfriend to ensure that you are able to keep your position above her will not help the interracial relationship anyway. It is good once in a while to show off your qualities but ranting about yourself, your possessions or your family will surely drive her away from you.

Men need to make sure they are able to make their girl feel comfortable in an interracial relationship. She should not feel like she has been trapped in a relationship. Helping her find her true self in a relationship is the best you can do to continue to take the relationship to a logical start.

Questions you can ask on your first interracial date

interracial couple on a date

Finding an interracial date has become quite easy with the rising popularity of interracial dating websites. Registration on these interracial dating websites is quite easy and finding an interracial date for oneself is also a cakewalk one just needs to do things the right way. The nest step in interracial dating is meting your interracial date for real in the real world. Once the ice is broken between you and your interracial partner it is time to talk to each other. What should your conversation revolve around is a big question?

mixed couple at a barTalking about childhood can be a good topic in an interracial date

Since both, the partners in an interracial date come from different backgrounds and have spent their childhoods in different settings and environments. A discussion around the way one has spent childhood would be an interesting topic. However, if your dating partner has had a disturbed or not so great a childhood and is not ready to talk about it on the first date do not coax him or her to the discussion. Talking about the schools, mischief, kinds of friends you have had in your childhood and places you have stayed form a nice conversation especially when meeting for the first time in the real world. Childhood memories are a great point of connection, especially when hitting along with a stranger. Keeping the conversation fun and not delving deep into the serious aspects will be a great conversation with your interracial date.

Future plans and vision can form a nice discussion point on an interracial date

In case you are not able to have a good conversation about your childhood, do not lose hope. Move on to the future aspects of your life or the life of your interracial dating partner. Ask them about their plans for the future and what do they intend to do after 5-10 years from now. A progressive and frank individual will like to discuss his or her vision of the future and will open up to the plans for future and even ask you for your plans and things you have planned. One need not be too realistic about the future and take things wherever your imagination allows you to.

Discussing hobbies and spare time activities is good

Making your interracial date talk about hobbies and the things they love to do in their spare time is a great ground building measure and an interesting topic to be taken up on the first interracial date or even in subsequent dates. Make your interracial date more interesting by talking about the things that the other person likes most. Maybe a hobby or an interest that both of you share can be a common point to take the conversation from zero to an interesting one.

Check out the passions of your interracial date

Your interracial date is passionate about what? This particular question if answered at the right moment will be a great asset of information for you in future. While planning your subsequent dates to outings you can keep this in mind and plan accordingly. This piece of information will not only form a great conversation topic but will also be helpful in nurturing your long-term relationship.

Having a few interesting topics or even a line on which you intend to take the conversation on your interracial date you will be able to make each and every date of yours much more interesting and fruitful for a long-term interracial relationship.

When Your Relationship Turns Black and Blue


Being in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world. You are with the person you love, the one you want to spend your entire life with, and the one who you cannot see yourself living without. Every day it feels great to wake up to him or her lying next to you. Everything is going well that you cannot even see what is starting to happen next… the man or woman who you thought was the one for you become the worst thing that has happened to you.

Physical Abuse in a relationship

Physical abuse is one of the most difficult forms of abuse to deal with. You feel alone, trapped, and afraid in your own house. You are afraid to tell someone, you pretend that everything is fine, and you begin blaming yourself for the way he or she treats you. Being in an abusive relationship is not the easiest relationship to be in. I believe the majority of women and men are embarrassed to admit to a friend or family member that they are being abused by their significant other.

Everything is NOT fine

You start to believe your lies that everything is fine. You want to hold on to this man or woman for the public eye. There are many women who do not want to be alone; however, there are plenty of men who think they need a woman in the household. When the mind starts to believe that, that is when you start to suffer. There are many single people in the world today who loves being single and spending times with friends. Nothing is wrong with being a single man or woman. Being single can mean that you are waiting for the right one to come along. It does not mean that something is wrong with you.

Emotional Abuse in a relationship

Another form of abuse is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is the worst form of abuse in my opinion. Emotional abuse is when your significant other tries to control you through fears, humiliation, and physical abuse. No one deserves to be treated like that. No matter how old you are or how young you are, there is always an option. There is always a choice to be made. He or she will only do what you allow them to do. He or she may call you stupid, lazy, and make you feel that you are useless. He or she may belittle you in front of your friends or his or her friends. If you continue to let them abuse you physically, verbally, or emotionally, he or she will continue to do so. No matter what form of abuse you’re going through; you should never allow anyone to treat you like you do not matter.

Leaving a toxic relationship

A relationship is a normal part of life and sometimes it can take all of our energy. There are times when a person is in a relationship and he or she is afraid of leaving. We all have that intuition when a certain relationship is not going to work. However, if the person is afraid of his or her partner, leaving may not sound like the easiest thing to do. Although, making the proper plans can ensure a safe exit out of the relationship. When you are in an unhealthy relationship and are afraid to leave, you have to make the decision to find the best time to leave. Confiding in a sibling, friend, or counselor is a sure way to let someone know what you are planning. The best time to leave is when your partner is not around. If he or she is not around, that is the best time to make your getaway. I know it will be hard to leave certain things behind, but pack your important stuff and get out of there.

Being in an unhealthy relationship for a long time can damage a person’s self-esteem. He or she may start to believe the things his or her partner is telling them. Always remember that you do not have to do this alone. If you need help, all you have to do is seek it.

Life is too short to be unhappy in an unhealthy relationship.